There are times in my life when I just get fed up with certain shit. This is one of those times.
I’m angry because I’m a fucking old, white, male.
According to what I’ve been reading over the last two years because I’m old, I don’t have any fresh ideas, or can’t offer random suggestions of genius based on my generational experience. No one wants to listen to some old dude pontificating on how the more things change, the more they stay the same.
Certain people couldn’t care less to hear what I have to say especially, especially, if I offer a suggestion with a prelude statement like, well back in my day.
Oh, I don’t have to see the eye rolls to know they’re happening.
The silence speaks volumes. The lack of feedback through views and reads and stunted opportunities for better distribution is most certainly because I’m so fucking old no one thinks I can offer an opinion of value.
I can you know.
It’s frustrating as hell to write hundreds of articles only to be told go sit in the fucking corner and shut the fuck up. We know what we’re doing. We don’t want to distribute or read anything from you. Unless you were abused as a child, sodomized by a Catholic priest, gang raped when you were eleven or spent time in a loony bin because you self-mutilated and wanted to commit suicide, none of us want to hear what you have to say.
Fuck you. I have something to say.
You want to know how to deal with depression?
I’ve lived with bouts of depression all my fucking life and I’m going through one of the stages of it right now. I’m fucking furious. But I won’t off myself by putting a bullet in my brain pan. You wanna know why?
Because I’m fucking better than that.
I’ve lived my life the way I thought my life needed to be lived. I’ve fallen and scraped my knee and got back up and sometimes I’ve fallen so hard it took me months, sometime years, to get back up.
But I got the fuck up and I lived to fight another day and I know the feelings inside when the shit hits. I know how much pain you feel.
Because I fucking feel it too.
I’m old and sometimes it hurts to admit I’m damned near geriatric but that’s not the icing on the cake. Get off the stage Nancy, I’m about to announce something.
Not only am I old, but oh Lord, I’m white.
I’m the old white entitled motherfucker who’s never had anything given to him, or gained a single leg up because of the color of his skin. My parents were so poor the only way I thought I could get a college education was to join the military.
The college education never fucking happened.
I’m the racist white guy who has never spoken a disparaging word about any single soul on this multicolored world of ours. I’m the separatist white guy, who was brought up during days of segregation and incensed by the actions of prejudicial white assholes who sought to sub-humanize an entire race of people.
Do not fucking lump me in with that shit can you call entitled white men. I know the views are too slow to change and I’m as pissed off as anybody. No one should have to live in fear of getting shot and killed during a routine traffic stop.
NO FUCKING ONE.
And unlike others I am not fucking color blind. I’m white. You’re white, black, brown, red, yellow or somewhere in between. I’m not going to take the fucking high road and tell you I don’t see color.
But what I look for is whether or not you’re an animal disguised as a human or a decent human. A human who wants to live in peace beside a whole lot of other decent human beings. If you’re decent then it doesn’t fucking matter what color you are. Come on in take a seat and put your feet up. Can I get you something to drink?
If it isn’t bad enough I’m old and white — as if for Christ’s sake it could get any worse — I’m fucking male.
And here we go.
You say your pissed off because men don’t bother to understand why women should be treated as equals or offer equality in the workplace? Don’t lump me in that group either. I may be a male, but I’ll thank you very much not to stereotype my ass until you get to know me.
But know this.
I’ve witnessed so many years of misogynistic bastards taking advantage of women and getting away with it, it sickens me. I got to tell ya, I wouldn’t let those fuckers step in my house. To think they often try to promote their manhood; lay claim to kindred spirits of some imagined brotherhood simply because they have a dick swinging between their legs, is preposterous.
I loath them. More so because I.am.male.
Don’t tell me just because I don’t have a vagina and tits I can’t ever understand what men have put women through for years; how they’ve objectified them, abused and beat them, terrorized them. Just because I’m male doesn’t mean I beat my wife, or abuse her or terrorize her. I love and respect her. As far as I’m concerned she and I are equal. I’ve always believed that way, and to hear everybody tell me, I’m too old and set in my ways to change.
We’ll fuck it and so be it then.
I know you don’t know this because I’ve never told you but I actually got released from a job one time because I demanded equal wages for a female counterpart. That woman worked her ass off and deserved it.
Big fucking deal right?
It is a big fucking deal, because I understand how people feel when they’re marginalized and made to feel unworthy of taking up space on this planet.
So listen up everybody (you too Medium curators). I may be old but I’ve got stories to tell and wisdom to share.
I may be white on the outside, but my soul is a mystical blend of every color the universe has to offer.
I may be male, but the most important thing is that I’m human. I respect the right of other humans — male or female or somewhere in between — to exist on this planet as long as they treat me and their selves with the love and kindness we all deserve.
I hope I get the opportunity to become friends with a lot more like-minded Medium writers. I’m really hoping eventually you won’t give a shit I’m almost as old as Moses, or that I’m white, or that I have a couple of balls and a bat between my legs.
I’m hoping in the future when you read my articles you’ll not see an old white guy writing the story.
You’ll just see the story.
Thanks for letting me rant.
Let’s keep in touch — firstname.lastname@example.org