A writer’s tag from Mark Starlin (Dennett? I hold you personally responsible for this.)
If a cosmic blast of animal-matter rays hit the Earth, turning all humans into animals, what animal would you hope to become, and why?
As I’ve already been tagged and became a peacock when all the humans were turned into animals, I’m thinking my transition from one animal to another probably wouldn’t have a very pleasant outcome.
No one knows what happens to an animal when bathed in animal-matter rays.
Perhaps I would become a hippocayoplatupus. I would love to stay submerged in water, hunt field mice and howl at the moon and build weird-looking burrows in river beds.
If you could go back in time to any place, when and where would you go and why?
DISCLAIMER — This section has no humor.
I know this is supposed to be funny and all, but this question hit me in a strange way.
If I could go back in time to any place, it would be a rented two-story house in Romulus Michigan, 20 months after my brother was born on November 22, 1950.
I would make sure I latched the screen of the window he fell from that day, a moment that changed his and our family’s life forever.
What is your ideal meal?
Okay, back to funny.
Oh, this is an easy one. Chicken fried steak, mashed potatoes, and gravy, with a mess of pinto beans and cornbread. And for dessert, I’d have…
Hang on the missus is telling me something.
Uh, strike that. I’ll take a Cob Salad with fat-free ranch dressing.
If you could be the best at any one thing, other than writing (don’t be so predictable), what would it be?
Opera singer. Right now I can’t carry a tune in a bucket. Not really a stretch goal right?
What is your favorite place, and why?
Another easy one. Sitting on our upstairs screened-in veranda, with a couple of glasses of wine and conversation with my honey. Some of the best moments of my life have been spent there.
If you could pick a super-power, what would it be?
Well, your question said pick, it didn’t say have.
So if I could pick a superpower I’m sure not going to place a bet on China or Russia.
If I could have a superpower (other than my ability to fly which I chose on a former interrogation) I would pick telekinesis.
I’m so tired of having to leave my downstairs office and go upstairs for a cup of coffee.
If you could have your own planet, what would you name it? (Describe it for bonus points.)
ZOD. I’ve always loved the planet ZOD. Been there at least a hundred times so it’s pretty easy to describe.
No one talks on the planet ZOD. If they want to communicate they actually write letters.
I know, crazy right?
Anyway, the people of ZOD have twelve arms and hands (well, they write a lot) and sixteen eyes (they read a lot too) and they’re always reading and writing and shoving all those letters in pneumatic tubes which are strung all over the planet (it’s a really small planet — think one stall bathroom)
I’ve visited so many times they’ve given me the key to the entire world.
However, I’m thinking I may give the key back.
I just received a letter (no I don’t have a pneumatic tube in my house, a postal employee delivered it) which is asking me to schedule a trip to one of the noted surgeons on ZOD for arm, hand, and eye augmentation.
Uh, maybe later?
You are on a long road trip. You stop at a gas station for gas. What “food-ish” product would you buy to snack on while you drive?
Slim Jims, Ho-Ho(s) (the chocolate ones with the gooey frosting inside) Lay’s BBQ potato chips (family size) Twinkies, and Little Debbie powdered doughnuts.
Would you mind if my wife and I stayed at your house for a week? And what weeks are available?
You and your lovely wife are welcome at our home any time Mark.
We have a second bedroom (double bed) downstairs she can spend the week resting in comfort and I will be more than happy to clear a space for you in the garage between the riding lawn mower and the stacks of next year's fertilizer.
Do you prefer hugs or handshakes? (In case I end up staying at your house.)
My wife and I are both huggers. However, neither of us picked up this trait from wrapping our arms around the oak trees in our front yard.
If you could have any musician or band (past or present — pretend we have the technology) come to your house and give a private house concert, who would it be? Unfortunately, The Beatles are away on a yellow submarine mission that day, so you’ll have settle for someone else.
Oh, so many to choose from.
Especially when I stop to consider all the music and musicians Bonnie has introduced me to with her BMT pieces. Since you’ve only given me one shot at this I’d say REO Speedwagon.
I know, I know Bonnie, but I can’t help myself. It was the first band that popped into my head.
I’ll read your next BMT piece three times and give you 50 claps I promise.
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