Help Yourself To Self Help

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Photo by Dan Meyers on Unsplash

For Only $999.95

Or in other words, “buy my blathering crap which will work if you’re not a broken heap of emotional goo and help me get rich enough to buy a yacht me and my Playboy Bunny girlfriends want.”

It is a sad state of affairs my friends.

To get yourself right, to actually start feeling better physically or mentally, to learn how to cope with constant left hooks and uppercuts to the jaw we have to pay.

But aren’t we already paying?

Aren’t we enduring roller coaster emotions of panic and anxiety? Don’t a lot of us suffer diseases we know will take our lives one day? Are there not those among us who experience debilitating chronic pain, manic depression, food disorders, bi-polar mania, thoughts of suicide, and a plethora of other issues which put us through ever loving hell each day?

Of course there are.

Haven’t we paid enough? Aren’t we paying enough by trying to push though the pain and suffering in an attempt to live a quasi-normal life whatever the heck THAT is?

Evidently not. Evidently, we must pay for everything. Up to and including therapy.

Because God knows we’ve tried so long to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and it just hasn’t happened. We need help, we need a kind word, a direction to take, a shoulder to cry on.

And we can get one too…

For $100.00 a hour…

One hour minimum.

For this kind of help we have to shell out hard earned money which we need to spend on groceries. Or worse, buy more gas for the petrol guzzling cash car we bought that had 200,000 miles on it — after a nefarious car dealer rolled the odometer back — just so we can make it to a low paying, crappy job.

To get help, we hand over money we’ve painstakingly managed to set aside so we could take a mental health day and go to the beach, to a psychiatrist who recommends…

We take a mental health day and go to the beach.

Okay, okay. Listen up folks. I’m not ragging on the psychiatric professionals in the world.

There are tons of wonderful, caring professionals out there whose only desire is to help someone turn the corner. Many of them have indeed helped us, guided us back to a point where we could stand on our own two feet again.

But again, you get what you have to pay for.

A lot of you may be thinking what about insurance P.G.? Did you ever think of that? Having insurance will help pay for things, including therapy visits.

Actually, yeah, I did.

The point is you still have to pay. You have to pay insurance premiums just to be able to pay co-payments. Maybe you don’t have to pay as much, but you still have to pay.

When you’re counting pennies hoping to scrape enough together to buy food to last until payday, a miss by inches is as good, or as bad, as one by a mile.

There is no difference between paying twenty or thirty dollars you don’t have for a co-pay and paying two hundred dollars you don’t have for a one time visit to a doctor.

I know you folks have heard the old adage about not being able to squeeze blood out of a turnip right?

But let’s say somehow you’ve found a way to pay for insurance. You have to either self insure (pay) or share the cost of a crappy insurance plan (again, pay) at work. Either way, you’re spending money you could be using to feed and clothe your family.

And the glorious kicker? You have to pay health insurance premiums so the insurance companies can arbitrate what they will and will not pay for.

Need a complete thyroid panel because your doctor believes you have an under or over producing thyroid?

Uh, sorry premium payer, no can do. A complete thyroid panel is, in our opinion, not necessary to your well being.

Thank you for your premium though.

Oh, by the way. Your next premium is due the first of next month.

But us having to pay for health and well being doesn’t end with doctor’s visits or psychiatric therapy.

To help ourselves get better, apparently we need to buy a book, or take a course. It seems we need to pay for a seminar held by someone who specializes in fleecing those of us desperate to get off the hamster wheel long enough to take a breath.

*Buy my course and it will open your life to a world of possibilities you never dreamed existed!

*This is the only self help seminar you’ll ever need to take! I’ll show you how to improve your life in ten easy steps!

*I’ll show you how to take control of your life and enrich your soul!

*Learn how to love and respect yourself for only $999.95!

Paleeze. I’ve had enough. I’m done with it.

I’m not plunking my hard earned money down on shysters who prey on our weaknesses, our frail mental conditions at the moment, and our very real illnesses.


I would rather read about those going through the tough times right this very minute. I want to hear how they manage to cope with their illness, how they manage to get through their days of suffering and pain.

I want to read how these folks find a way to plow through things when most days they don’t even feel like getting out of bed.

These are the true heroines and heroes of self help.

These are the ones willing to share their stories of despair, of illness, of complete destitution and how they beat the odds and manage to help themselves learn to live again, if only minute by minute, day to day.

These are the people who willingly offer, with believable, modest, candor, ideas on what they do when depression or anxiety strikes. They will tell you how they handle moments when they can’t walk because the pain is so intense. They’ll let you know how they’re coping this very minute with irresistible urges to binge eat. They’ll describe their own self loathing and their ongoing battles to resist.

And they do all of this freely.

These are the ones who in my opinion, are shining beacons of self help for the rest of us.

Help yourself to their brand of self help. You’ll be better for it in the end I promise.

And I’m pretty sure it won’t cost you $999.95.

Let’s keep in touch:

Written by

A published author enjoying married Texas bliss. Dog person living with cats. A writer of Henry James' stories. Featured In MuckRack. Top Writer In Fiction.

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