The phrase “Elvis has left the building” was often used by public address announcers at the end of an Elvis Presley concert. Typically, it was used as a means of dispersing huge throngs of crowds who lingered, hoping for an encore by the King.

It later became a humorous punchline or catchphrase served up by many a sportscaster to describe things such as baseball home runs or hockey wins.

Today it seems as if Elvis has again left the building when we start talking about common sense.

Or rather the lack of it.

Now, with this pandemic thing we have going on, it seems the chic, radically happening thing to do is become a molten mess of panic. Yes, we’re being told to stay at home if possible I get it. In fact, I, along with hundreds of thousands of others, am working from home.

Sad state of affairs, I tell you. I want to work from home, but the work I have to do isn’t the work I want to do. It’s the work I have to do before I get to do the work I want to do.

What?

Oh, you need a translation, do you? Easy peasy. The work I have to do is as a project manager. The work I love to do is what I’m doing right now (don’t tell my boss. He already has a thing out for me.) from the comfort of a comfortable chair.

But this panic thing is a real barn burner folks. This morning, my honey informed me that our standard grocery pickup, which is either done on Friday or we do together on Saturday, has been pushed to Sunday.

When I asked her why she said it’s because nobody is going into the store anymore. They are either having groceries delivered or using the click-n-buy feature, which allows them to sit in their cars and have the groceries packed in the trunks of their vehicles.

Okay, I get it — less contact with other humans and all.

But what’s interesting are the things we ordered which are out of still out of stock and have no substitutions available.

Like toilet paper, hand sanitizer, cold medicine (all kinds), paper towels, eggs, milk, and cheese.

Yes, cheese.

I find these types of panic buys counterproductive, especially the cheese. We all know what happens when you overdo it on the cheese, right?

Then why would a healthy cheese eater even need a hundred rolls of toilet paper?

We’ve been dealing with this pandemicmonia (new word I just made up) for over two months, and yes, people have died, but what is it giving this latest viral attack from Mother/Father Earth it’s power over our common sense?

What is it about this blight that has driven so many to lose control over their primal instincts?

This has become keeping up with the Joneses in reverse. Just like Elvis, common sense has left the building.

Bobby just told his neighbor about his last trip to the store and how fights broke out on the toilet paper aisle. So what does the neighbor do? He slides his pistol into his waistband and heads for the store.

Mary tells a neighbor about lucking upon a cache of eggs at an off-brand store, and what does the neighbor do? She walks in and tries to purchase all the eggs. All.The.Eggs.

Sixty-two cartons of eggs.

Notice I said try. I have it on competent authority the manager of the off-brand store refused to let the woman purchase his entire inventory. Instead, he made her buy five cartons.

As I said. Panic seems to be the hottest thing on the market right now.

Stop it with the crazy sh*t people! Stop it!

Before you snatch up twenty-five T bone steaks, twelve bushels of corn and all the spaghetti sauce jars and pasta on the shelves, pull up a bloody moment and think. Think of the last time you visited the store you and I frequent BEFORE you found out a superbug is out there looking for you.

Were you buying like that then? Have you always been in a panic to clear the entire store of its inventory?

Yeah, you’ve always been a little weird, but before Captain Trips came along, were you this crazy?

No, you weren’t.

I, for one, am exhausted thinking about all the panic-driven decision making a lot of loonies are doing. Every day there’s another absurdity I read about or hear about taking place, and it keeps me off-balance, distracted from what I need to be doing.

I need to be writing.

And so, although I’ve no intention of sticking my head in the sand and hoping this goes away, I’m not going to fall prey to panic. Because just like every superbug on this planet, something like this will eventually go to sleep for a very long time, and we’ll find a way to get back to normal.

Whatever that is nowadays.

But remember this. One of these millennials, this badass bug will eventually find a way to wake up.

Some of us, perhaps our descendants, will see this bugger (pun intended) again. And some of those people, despite the lessons learned, will crumple up in a panic.

As a creative, I’ve realized I cannot function in a panic mode very long. There’s only so long I can think about the possibility of death and destruction. My mind must find a way to the dream state once again, the place of wonderous thoughts and images.

Although panic seems to be the hottest thing on the market right now, I think I’ll take a hard pass.

As far as I’m concerned concerning panic?

Elvis has most definitely left the building.

Thanks So Much For Reading

Let’s keep in touch: paul@pgbarnett.com

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