Okay, Helen, remember you asked for this.

I’m supposed to provide a list of all the folks my honey and I plan to invite over for our slam-dunk, burn the house down, someone called the cops because people are dancing drunk and bare-assed naked in the street (wait that was five years ago) New Years Eve party right?

Well, okay but everybody on the invite list needs to bring their own pillows and blankies because a lot has changed over the years.

First, I was finally able to pay off the lawyers for that unpleasant incident from five years ago. Second, my wife and I intend to bring in the new year just as we have a lot of them in the past.

See that cat on the bed? Yeah, you guessed it we’re going to be just like that cute little Russian Blue. We’re gonna be sleeping.

My darling wife and I have oozed into a habit of toasting the night away with a few glasses of wine and then hitting the rack at an unbelievably late hour of the night.

8:30 PM.

9:30 PM, if we’re really feeling frisky.

Think about it. What better way to bring in any new year, not just 2020, than by snoring loud enough to shake the walls and drooling on your pillow?

Ahem, now you understand why everyone needs to bring their own pillows right?

Okay, so everyone’s got the pillow and blankie thing down, right? So here’s my invite list:

Marilyn Monroe

No, we’re not inviting her because she’s was a sexy blonde bombshell.

Marilyn was much more than that. Norma Jean Baker adopted her breathy seductive manner of speaking to compensate for stuttering. Yes, when she became overly nervous or excited, she would stutter.

An interesting thing to note. A speech therapist was hired to help her overcome the issue, but during the filming of the movie, Something’s Got To Give her stuttering got her fired.

Marilyn was also an intellectual who often surrounded herself with sophisticated and extraordinarily intelligent people. At the time of her death in 1962, she possessed a private book collection of over 400 volumes, many of them first edition.

Just the kind of person to invite to a party teeming with writers.

Jackie Robinson

The first black athlete to play in major league baseball in the modern era. Was it Jackie’s intent to make a social statement? Nope, the kid just wanted to play baseball in the majors.

Signed by the then Brooklyn Dodgers in 1947, Jackie, along with the first major league team to ever sign a black athlete, stepped over the baseball color line.

But Jackie wasn’t about to let that one happenstance define him. Oh no.

In his ten year career in the MLB, Jackie won the inaugural Rookie of the Year in 1947, was voted an Allstar for six consecutive seasons, and won the National League Player of the Year Award in 1949. With this win, Jackie became the first black athlete to ever win the coveted award.

Jackie played in six world series and was instrumental in helping the Dodgers win a championship in 1955.

Inducted into the Baseball hall of fame in 1962, his jersey number 42 was officially retired across every major league team, and he was the first athlete to have ever had this honor bestowed.

Off the field, Jackie became the first black television analyst in the MLB and the first black vice president of a major corporation.

Following his death in 1972, Jackie was posthumously awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom for his achievements on the baseball diamond and off.

I can’t think of a better sports icon to invite to a party.

Edgar Allen Poe

Dear Edgar led a, let’s say somewhat estranged life, which in my opinion goes a long way in explaining the depths some of his work takes us.

Born to a pair of actors on January 19th, 1809, he became a destitute orphan when his father abandoned the family in 1810, and when Edgar’s mother died the following year. In 1827 Edgar joined the military under an assumed name and had a less than stellar career at West Point, where he failed officer candidacy in 1829.

Shortly thereafter, Edgar leaned in and decided to support himself as a full-time writer.

But the tale it doth twist anew.

In 1836 Edgar married his cousin, Virginia Clemm. If you think this slightly incestuous arrangement was wrong, try this on for size. Virginia was 13.

Nine years later, Edgar published “The Raven,” and the poem was met with critical acclaim. And yet, the sorrow of Edgar Allen Poe’s life dwelled on with the death of Virginia two years later.

His actual cause of death remains a mystery even to this day and is often ventured with wild speculation of alcohol abuse, brain congestion, suicide, and a host of other dreaded afflictions.

Edgar Allen Poe is often thought of as being the first well-known writer to make his living entirely on his writing. Which meant his life and career was a financial struggle.

Something we can all relate to.

Edgar did have some shining moments posthumously, however. He is still considered the forefather of detective fiction and a primary contributor to the then-emerging genre of science fiction.

Not just a telltale beating heart, I would say.

Sorry I had to go there.

And Last But Certainly Not Least All My Writing Friends

Sure, the house is small, but there’s plenty of room in the garage, and since most of us will get smashed and be dancing on the front and back lawn (no naked stuff this year. I can’t afford more attorney fees) my guess is when we pass out, we’ll just sleep wherever we drop.

And don’t worry about beddy by time at 08:30 on the 31st.

When my honey and I manage to rouse you all from your drunken stupors and bail those of you who didn’t listen about dancing buck naked in the streets out of jail…again…we’ll send you home with a video of the ball drop in New York so you can smile and sigh and tell all your friends.

“I’ll always remember that New Years Eve party at P.G.’s house. Well, I mean, at least I remember leaving P.G.’s house.”

Happy New Year To All Of My Medium Writing Friends!!

Let’s keep in touch: paul@pgbarnett.com

© P.G. Barnett, 2019. All Rights Reserved.