It’s not always easy to clear your thoughts.
Maybe you’re still pissed off at the shit your partner pulled last night when you both went out with friends. Yes, the argument is still fresh in your mind.
Things you said in anger, things your partner screamed back at you.
The embarrassment, the rage, the words.
They keep spinning around in your head.
You need to write, but memories of last night won’t let you.
You want to write, but the trash in your head refuses to let you concentrate. Your thoughts have seized control of your brain. You stare at a blank screen desperate for the words to come, and when you start to type you just as quickly stop.
Why had your partner screamed at you that way? Didn’t they realize they were making a fool of themselves?
Why were you so quick to reach a boiling point? Was it because your partner always does things like this and you’d finally had enough?
You need to write. You stare at a blank screen, desperate for the words to come, and you try to start typing again, but the row between the both of you is spinning in your head so much you can’t concentrate on anything.
All you see on the blank screen is images of that argument, painful attacks of spite spewing from each of your mouths.
The images are still clear, the abrupt shoving of a chair back, wine glasses overturning, scarlet rivers staining linen, the lithe form of your partner storming across the restaurant and outside in the rain.
You want to follow, but a flood of embarrassment cements your feet to the floor.
You see the faces of astonished patrons all casting their gazes in your direction and you try to smile, but the remembrance of the shouting match from only seconds ago is searing your thoughts.
Silencing you then.
Halting your progress now.
The only way you’re going to change from the hot mess you are now is to take out the trash.
Cleansing breaths, forget the past. They call it past because it’s over. The pain is still present, but only you can take the trash ruining your ability to create out and get rid of it.
The pain will return, and probably when you least expect it, but you have to get stronger. You have to learn to take out enough trash running around in your head so you can create again.
At least for now.
You’ve got something else you need to do.
You need to write.
You need to create.
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