That Time My Poser Membership Was Cancelled

Item number one:

We have noticed a seeming and often incessant lack of fifty dollar words in your writing. We were noticeably dismayed and overwrought with angst when NPSOA members reported you have chosen to write in a manner which is easily understood by the general public.

All members of the National Posers Society of America shall herewith and forevermore bestow upon the masses a sense that command of language and the written word is far better than anyone else. In doing so, a Poser shall prove without doubt, they are much smarter and posses a genius intellect.

Your lack of intellectually stimulating word choices has been found to be egregious, dare we say, heinous.

Item number two:

It has become startlingly clear to us you have adopted an attitude of full transparency with those around you. Other Poser members have dutifully reported your repugnant habits and we must say we are completely flabbergasted.

All members of the National Posers Society of America shall herewith and forevermore outwardly present by actions, language and mannerisms said Poser is who they pretend to be.

Regardless of lack of qualification, years of experience or subject expertise.

In order to maintain good standing in the NPSOA a Poser should always exert multitudinous effort to be perceived as someone they’re not.

As you should know by now through dutiful study of the bylaws, pretending to be someone you’re not is not only expected, it is the penultimate mandate.

Item number three:

Poser members have reported you and your family have lived in the same home for the last thirteen years, a home which we are aghast to hear is valued much less than a million dollars. In addition, the reports state the cost seems to be within your meager budget.

At no time shall a Poser live within his or her means. It is mandated a Poser practice the highest form of materialistic aggregation in order to promote a lifestyle which generates an inordinate amount of envy from their peer group.

This includes purchasing and wearing expensive jewelry which cannot be afforded, buying houses which a Poser cannot pay for, and of course, leasing cars built by Ferrari and Maserati. Precisely put, anything which will evoke gasps of envy and jealously.

None of which you have done, you know who you are.

Please do not attempt to call or write and beg for reinstatement

I, Poser Extraordinaire, the Imperial Oligarch and Venerable Majesty Who Possesses A Mental Capacity Far Above All Terrestrial and Extraterrestrial Beings am going to be very busy and will have no time for you.

Written by

A published author enjoying married Texas bliss. Dog person living with cats. A writer of Henry James' stories. Featured In MuckRack. Top Writer In Fiction.

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