Twas the day after Christmas and the malls were still packed,
I had hoped not to go, but I must take this back,
It’s so horrid a color and it fits way too tight,
With no receipt in hand, I’m surely in for a fight.
It matches my eyes they all said with some guile,
And they nodded their heads and tried not to smile,
But I knew they weren’t telling the truth yes I did,
Cause this shirt seemed certainly picked by a kid.
I’d be ashamed to wear this thing even once,
I’m afraid it would make me look like a dunce,
Two sizes too small, and the pockets are angled,
At the neck, if I button I’m afraid I’ll get strangled.
So I found the store where this atrocity lived,
And to the back of a pair of long lines I slid,
I was sure to age ten or so years of my life,
Waiting to get to the counter tonight.
Then what did I see far ahead in the line,
My wife holding the gift that she said was so fine,
Several weeks did I spend finding something she’d love,
It had been such hard work when the push came to shove.
The bracelet of CZ my wife she did hold,
It was almost her turn to return what was sold,
I watched her as she finished her trade,
When she turned and then saw me her smile it did fade.
Along the line she walked up to me sad,
And we stood side by side then she said, “are you mad?”
“No, I’m not, no, I don’t believe so,
I guess I could do better as Christmas gifts go.”
And she smiled at me and then took my free hand,
As she glanced at my shirt and proclaimed, “that’s a great brand.”
“Did you buy this for me,” I asked almost startled,
“Why certainly I did. Is it not what you wanted?”
And I shook my head thinking all of these years,
We were bad at gifting each other it appears.
When we reached the counter and the shirt I returned,
We turned away with our fears both affirmed.
We suck at getting each of us a most wanted gift,
Because we’re frugal has heck, and our shopping is thrift.
From now on to dinner on Christmas eve we’ll go,
And trade gift cards of money so each of us knows,
We can purchase ourselves those things that we want,
In our house it’s become the best kind of detente.
Author’s note: In my oh so younger years I worked retail (doesn’t everyone at least once in their life?) and the day after Christmas was always touted as being one of the hottest sales days of the year. Upsell! Upsell! Upsell! I can still hear my boss yelling those words.
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