I find it interesting how we of the Human condition incorporate certain words into our everyday language to the point they lack embellishment and become little more than hackneyed bits of word vomit.

Take the word love, for instance. It’s probably one of the most overused and misunderstood concepts on the planet.

Everyone thinks they know what love is right? Or at the very least they know what love isn’t.

So when I did a little research on love I was surprised to discover it’s not all hearts and flowers and Valentine’s day candy.

Yeah, I know that ship has already sailed. I never said my timing was all that great.

I’m sure the more studious among our ranks have known this fact so long they’ve already forgotten it, but there are seven basic types of love.

Yeah, seven.

It seems Greek philosophers such as Aristotle and Plato just couldn’t settle for everyday old run of the mill love, could they?

So here they are in no specific order.

Agape

A universal love often altruistic in nature. A lover of all things related to life, God/Goddess, and the Human species.

Eros

The sexy and passionate love. Often associated with our species as the romanticized version of getting lucky on a Friday or Saturday night. You know, the “I’ll Never Fall In Love Again” type of passioned commitment.

Philia

Okay, this is a weird kind of love. Philia is love between friends, a mutual bonding of goodwill between a couple or entire groups of others. Interestingly enough, it flipflops like a fish out of water between Eros and Philia and back to Eros again. You know, like what happens when you find yourself dating and falling in Eros love with your best friend?

In my case, I ended up marrying my best friend. And yes, before you ask we’re still friends.

And still married.

Storge

Another Dr. Strangelove this one. Storge (pronounced Store Gae) is often credited to the love of family members. The emotional bond between parental figures and their dependent children. Storge doesn’t require any special relationship skills because this love is spawned out of familiarity and dependency.

What’s really kooky about Storge is if you’re really lucky and get lucky with your best friend who is now your permanent squeeze, this is the kind of love you’ll end up with after successful tryouts with Eros and Philia.

Ludus

This type of love is unique. Especially for you “Pulp Fiction” dancers out there. It’s not necessarily unrequited but certainly is uncommitted love. This is where seduction and flirting often take center stage.

This is the no strings attached, conjugation of bacterial organisms (how romantic is that?) where genetic material often gets exchanged.

What?

Screwing’s such a gauche term. I’m trying to class up my act here, folks.

Anyway, Ludus often works best when both amoeba, uh partners, are socially mature and neither are codependent wrecks. If not, Ludus can easily be mistaken for Eros when all the other partner wishes for is a little Philia.

Happens more than we’d like, right?

One drink, the dude bought me one freaking drink and now he wants to get me in bed.

Pragma

Although Aristotle and Plato classify Pragma as a type of love, I really struggle with their reasoning.

When you think Pragma (who even thinks Pragma?) think arranged marriages. This type of “love” almost always disregards sexual allure or emotional attachment in favor of a shared goal or physical need.

Back in the day, the best way to stop a war or build alliances strong enough to start one was often managed through arranged marriages.

Interestingly enough, while Pragma was socially acceptable in the sixteenth and seventeenth centuries, even today arranged marriages are an accepted practice in some parts of the world.

But it’s not always about empire building.

Sometimes a Pragma union takes place between two parties willing to turn a blind eye to their partner’s hidden and unspeakable desires.

The union of Vita Sackville-West and Harold Nicholson is a classic example of Pragma.

Why all of a sudden is the song “What’s Love Got To Do With It” running through my head?

Philautia

And finally, Philautia which is the love of one’s self.

We all know loving oneself is a good thing, and though we hardly think about it, we also know it can literally ruin us if we take loving ourselves to the extreme limit.

It’s one thing to build up a healthy dose of self-confidence and self-esteem, to be able to perform our work and still be able to handle failure and rejection.

But it’s something entirely different when one chooses to eat a steady diet of narcissism. It’s without doubt, the quickest way to get fat and bloated with pride.

One can love oneself so much they adopt an extraordinarily unhealthy and unrealistic perception of their capabilities and worth. Quite literally, one can so love oneself; they end up putting themselves above all others, a condition often known as hubris.

Stop kissing yourself in the mirror and slow the roll dude/dudette, you ain’t a God/Goddess.

So the next time you use the word love when you tell your partner you love them, and yet never do anything to show them you do.

The next time you tell someone how much you love Soduku and crossword puzzles.

The next time you tell someone, you’d simply love to go to that concert with them, or you love that dress, those shoes or spaghetti, and meatballs, try thinking about which kind of love you’re talking about.

I don’t think the fact you love watching sports means you have a prearranged marriage with your TV. Although I’m sure all the couch potatoes in the world would disagree.

I’m thinking not many of us want to get frisky in a sexual kind of way with a Soduku or crossword puzzle or bang it out with a dress, a pair of shoes, or spaghetti or meatballs.

Wait, what?

Oh, you pervert you.

That’s okay, I still love you.

Thank You So Much For Reading

Let’s keep in touch: paul@pgbarnett.com

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